1996 Lesson #1

This is the year my first daughter was born. The year it all jumpstarted. As the oldest child and grandchild I babysat for children most of my life. Then in college I took that experience and used it to nanny. But nothing is the same as having your own. I had no neices or nephews yet. As this year started I found myself pregnant with my first child.

As I had done most things in my life, I was ready to study into perfection. I started with "What to Expect When Your Expecting", reading it cover to cover. I then moved onto "What To Expect The First Year". I now knew exactly what to expect, right? That with all the experience I had with other people's children, even my own sister (9 years younger), I was ready. I knew about frequent feedings, night waking, terrible two's, how to pack a diaper bag, how to change a diaper, teething. After a little read of the "Consumer Reports Guide To Baby Products" I was ready to shop and register. Now I was ready to be a perfect mom of my textbook baby.

Year 1

Now what? Baby's here and I know what to expect. But noone can tell you how to feel. You have so many feelings. Including gut feelings on what is the "right" thing to do. Now here is when you have that "choice" to make. Follow the "experts" advice on what is now the most popular and recommended way to parent or do you follow your instincts? Three problems arise here; 1) every baby is different 2) advice changes like the wind and 3) every parenting "style" has an "expert" to back it up. In other words, the experts can't even agree. So who is the real "expert"? Let's look at #1 again, every baby is different. Do you know your baby? Listen to your baby. Yes, I know all she does is cry. But she still communicates; in cries, smiles, happy periods, upset periods; if you listen and pay attention you already know your baby well. What about those experts? You know, the ones who have never even met your baby, the one's who haven't "talked" to her. Now who do you think knows YOUR baby best?

Luckily I only read books on baby development, I never thought there was a difference between those and books on "parenting". So my only option was to follow my instincts, do what I thought felt right.

That is lesson #1

Trust Your Instincts

Was I right? Well my daughter did well, she was happy, content, healthy. There was really no way to know for sure right then though. Unfotunately that is how parenting is, you don't have a crystal ball to see how it turns out. That daughter is now 9 though and so far it looks like we have done well. We are frequently complemented on how wonderful she is by adults, she has friends, is still healthy and smart.

Our theory was tested though. When she was 4 months old she got sick. A cold I suspect but it just kept getting worse. So I took her to the "expert", our pediatrician. He did his thing, he looked and listened in all the right places. It's just a cold, try saline and a bulb syringe. He didn't know her like I do though, she was getting worse, it may have been a cold but she is miserable, there is something wrong now. I took her back, a virus, and back, a cold, and back and back. I trusted my instincts, I knew she was sick. Finally they said if it would make me feel better they would do a blood count to make sure everything was OK. Her white blood count came back so high they said she had an infection. It was so bad they said had she been a week younger they would have hospitalized her (wasn't I here last week, oh and the one before?). They had us there all day doing tests. They had to give her antibiotic shots and bring us back 2 more times for follow ups. In the end she got better and was fine. I trusted my instincts though and that was what got her better.

Luckily I learned that lesson early. That lesson has come in handy more times than I can count. Of course each time I am right I become more confident. You just have to remember that each time you are wrong is not a "mistake" but a learning opportunity. Don't get discouraged when you are wrong, instead continue learning. It is always better to be safe than sorry. At least knowing will always help you relax and that benefits everyone.